You talk about heroes, the ones who defended their countries, fought for the right cause. You praise them, honour them, call them martyrs.
But me? I am just a villain for you. I am the one that they fought. You rejoice if someone like me dies. I am cursed, I am called a killer, a monster.
But I was not always a killer. I was a boy once, just like your heroes. I dreamed about serving my country, serving my people, bringing honour to my parents. I just wanted to do good by the people that I knew. What it my fault that I was never shown the other side of the coin? That I was always taught that we are to kill the weak and reign over them? That I was told I will be called a martyr too if I gave my life for the cause, but never knew that I could question that cause itself?
I had doubts when they told me it was okay to kill the innocent as they are collateral damage. I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to do. But when I tried to look into the eyes of other soldiers in training with me, I saw that they were just looking ahead at the goal, so I swallowed my inhibitions and decided to move forward as well, because weak hearted people cannot be a part of this cause.
I was scared when I held a gun for the first time, when I uttered a killing spell for the first time. My hands were shaking, my eyes were watery. I still questioned myself and the cause. But when I looked around, they were killing my people too, in revolt. Or atleast that is what I was shown. And hence I wiped my tears and fired that gun, let that spell kill the innocent.
Even though I only followed orders like a machine, having blood of the innocent on my hands gives me nightmares. But I am too deep in this maze and I cannot get out. I am too scared to get out. I am not sure if I know any better. I wish I could turn back time and ask them if what we were doing was right. But I am slowly turning into a heartless person as that is the only way I can survive not letting others survive.
If I die, you’ll not call me a martyr. You’ll say I had a choice. But don’t undermine my circumstances that led me to this. I am truly sorry, and I wish I could have taken a different route. Maybe in another lifetime I’ll truly be a martyr.
From
A soldier fighting from the evil’s side
Great post! Just goes to show that everyone is the main character in their own story and they always have reasons for what they do, even if we don’t agree with them. Here’s to complex antagonists. 🙂
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Very well put David, “everyone is the main character in their own story” !
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